Dear John,
I’m an extremely effeminate (not to the point of transgenderism) homosexual man, and I was wondering: What are your thoughts on males who behave like females (wearing make-up, into fashion, etc.)? Sometimes, I feel that God does not like the way I am. So would you say I should change, even though this comes naturally for me?
The only reason you should change is if not changing is causing you too much pain or grief. If you’re getting regularly beaten up for wearing make-up, I’d advise you to quit wearing make-up. I’m no conformist. But I want you to stay safe. If staying safe means adjusting some of what you do, then … then that’s life. We all do that.
That said, screw changing to please others. If anyone has a problem with your being who you are, then they can develop their own personality. The world needs men who predominantly exhibit stereotypically feminine behavior, and women who predominantly exhibit stereotypical male behavior. Why? Because people who do that—people like you—are showing all of us how we, too, might live into the joyfully expansive totality of who we really are.
People such as yourself are the heroes of our society. You’re leading us to a fuller, richer understanding of what it means to be human.
Back when I was in high school, all juniors were given a state-mandated aptitude test. The results were supposed to indicate those careers for which each of us was most naturally suited. The boys’ test was printed on blue paper, the girls’ test on pink.
When we got our tests back, all my buddies and me gathered together to learn of the career options available to us, which seemed countless: we might, we discovered, be doctors, engineers, pilots, scientists, attorneys, and so on.
When the girls got their tests back, they found that they had exactly three career possibilities. Depending on how they tested, they might be more or less suited for employment as a nurse, a secretary, or a school teacher.
That was it. According to the State of California, no female was suited for any job beyond those three.
That was in 1971.
You, my friend, are part of the movement of people who are evolving us past those kinds of ruinous, cruel, long-held stereotypes. By modeling what personal freedom looks like, you’re helping all of us to create a better future for ourselves and our children. Simply by virtue of having the courage to be yourself, you are teaching us that no behavior, thought process, or natural inclination is exclusively “male” or “female”—that everything always contains elements of both.
And for that ongoing lesson, I, and sane people everywhere, thank you.
And you don’t have to worry about whether or not God is okay with your being and living exactly as you were created. After all, the Bible tells us that Adam and Eve were BOTH created in God’s image. So it’s a safe bet that God is not just pleased with you, but delighted. How could He/She feel any other way?
If you painted a beautiful picture in the most vibrantly wonderful colors, would you then want that picture shown in only black and white?
Of course you wouldn’t.
You’d want that wonderful creation to shine, just the way it was made.
My novel, Everywhere She's Not, is now available wherever books are sold.
It’s not easy to tell a story that is filled with hilarious humor, the pangs of love lost, excruciatingly sad family life and deep, deep inner circumspection that ultimately uplifts your soul, but John has done just that. I highly recommend you read this book; you will thank me later. — Jon Mayes, Advance Reading Copy.
Deeply engrossing . . . a hightly satisfying reading experience . . . Shore's writing is so stylistically on target that the language itself falls away, allowing the reader to enter into the subtleties of the story completely. . . . Shore’s protagonist is authentically funny and rawly sympathetic . . . This novel stands apart for its originality. It is a testament to the notion that the strongest works are often those with simple storylines, exceptionally told. 10 out of 10. — Publisher's Weekly BookLife Prize 2019
A powerfully compelling introspective look at life. . . This is a harrowing and fascinating novel. — K.C. Finn, for Readers' Favorite
One of my go-to videos when I’m feeling down. A reminder to celebrate who I am.
‘Baby I was born this way’ by CGMC
Love it.
I love this answer tonight to the make-up-wearing gay man. I am a straight female without gay family members, but for some reason God has put it in my heart to care immensely about how the LGBTQ community is regarded – and treated – generally and especially within my church.
Gender “norms” overall are a hot-button issue for me. I am astounded those aptitude tests were given on pink and blue paper! In my kindergarten class in 1970, my teacher called for playtime. All the girls went to the dolls and the boys to the trucks. I just stood there; I never played with dolls. My teacher came to me and encouraged me to go with the girls to play with the dolls. I’ve always thought that was bad! But your story is atrocious, mind-blowing and nearly criminal in comparison. Thank God we’ve moved on from there! Although my parents pulled me back plenty enough: desire to be doctor — nurses are needed and do much of the same things. Desire to secure PhD and teach college-level composition — our state needs good high school English teachers, and “well, it’s a long, tough road to get that PhD and a lot of people get all the way through with the classes and then can’t finish their dissertation, and our state needs good high school …” Screw it: Journalism, here I come! And there I went. Blew the lights out. Now at 51, I know I could have done the PhD, of course. Glad I went the route I took for many reasons. So it worked out for me bc I’m stubborn and driven, thank God. It would have worked in academia, too. Six in one … To be somewhat fair, my dad was born in 1932, so there’s a generational thing there. And my mom in ‘34. She never wanted anything but to marry and run a house. That’s it. Start to finish. Careers for girls surprise her; she can’t quite grasp them and I feel sure doesn’t understand they’re every bit as important to me and my next-oldest sister as our dad’s was to him. … Anyway, great, loving answer to our guy tonight!
Thank you very much for this, Jenny.