Call me when it's National Grab Some Nuts Day

I have a blog on the website Patheos (being, according to its website, “The premier online destination to engage in the global dialogue about religion and spirituality.”) Though I'm still free to, it’s been, in Internet years, two centuries since I last posted anything there.

Yesterday all Patheos bloggers received an email from Patheos suggesting “trending topics relating to your faith” that we might care to write about.

The first writing prompt had to do with the fact that August 1 was International Childfree Day (which “celebrates people who voluntarily choose not to have children”). We were given four questions on that topic to choose from.

I figured (since, you know . . . it's me) that I'd go ahead and answer all four questions. So this is what I posted this morning on my ancient Patheos blog (under the title "Call me when it's National Grab Some Nuts Day"):

QUESTION #1. WHAT DOES YOUR FAITH SAY ABOUT HAVING CHILDREN?

First of all, International Childfree Day is the stupidest thing since . . . well, National Disc Golf Day (August 6), National Wiggle Your Toes Day (Aug. 3), and (my personal favorite) National Grab Some Nuts Day (Aug. 3).

Anyway, the Bible is generally encouraging about having babies. The Bible also advises parents who don’t want to spoil their children to regularly beat them with a rod. It also says, “Happy is he who takes their enemy’s babies and dashes them against the rock.” So . . . you know. Pretty mixed bag there.

As to what any pastor or ministry leader might have to say about my having children, I will definitely let you know the moment I care what anyone who isn’t me or my wife has to say about decisions that are personal to the two of us.

QUESTION #2: WHAT IS YOUR PERSPECTIVE TOWARD CHILDLESSNESS, RELIGIOUS TEACHINGS, AND FREEDOM OF CHOICE?

I don’t care if people have children or not, that’s their business; I don’t care about religious teachings on childlessness, because literally all religious texts are up for interpretation; and the idea that a woman shouldn’t be free to choose what she wants to do with her own body is so phenomenally moronic it could only come from the minds of people blinded into cruelty by their religious teachings.

QUESTION #3: HOW DO YOUR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS CURRENTLY IMPACT YOUR FAMILY PLANNING AND DECISION-MAKING?

They don’t.

QUESTION #4: IS BEING VOLUNTARILY CHILD-FREE AGAINST YOUR FAITH? HOW DO YOU NAVIGATE THROUGH THIS?

Saying that being voluntarily child-free is against my faith is like saying that being a chess player is against flamingos. It just doesn’t make sense.

It also doesn’t take a genius to understand why so many religions teach that their adherents should have as many children as possible. THAT'S THE SUREST WAY TO GET MORE ADHERENTS.

And why would a religious leader want as many people as possible to regularly and faithfully attend their place of worship? Well, for a whole bunch of reasons, many of them great. But if you don’t think chief amongst those reasons is MONEY, then . . . boy, do you ever not understand how American Christianity works.